Along the field I walk alone,
Stepping on twigs, leaves and stones,
I walk alone and think about,
The man I knew who will do me proud.
Enjoying the breeze upon my face,
Slowly drowing in your loving gaze,
Feeling your presence though you're far,
My ineffable joy is what you are.















Comments
The last line in the first stanza "The man I knew I'd be proud of" doesn't seem to fit with the subtle rhyming scheme that's happening in the other lines. Threw me off when I read it out loud.
But it's a very well written poem, besides.
--
My lord, my angel of darkness
~Uldron
And they spent their final hours together, crying a river of broken hearts.
I was waiting for someone to comment about that part..or else I'll be too hesitant to change that line...
--
running thirsty in the rain,
i'm breaking through these clouds again.
But putting that line you said down "the man I knew who will do me proud" would work better, I think
--
My lord, my angel of darkness
~Uldron
And they spent their final hours together, crying a river of broken hearts.
--
running thirsty in the rain,
i'm breaking through these clouds again.
--
My lord, my angel of darkness
~Uldron
And they spent their final hours together, crying a river of broken hearts.
muhahahaha!
--
running thirsty in the rain,
i'm breaking through these clouds again.
--
My lord, my angel of darkness
~Uldron
And they spent their final hours together, crying a river of broken hearts.
--
running thirsty in the rain,
i'm breaking through these clouds again.
--
My lord, my angel of darkness
~Uldron
And they spent their final hours together, crying a river of broken hearts.
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